end of year ruminations

there's a fine line between love and hate
not always sure where one ends and the other begins
confuses me a lot...makes me feel unsettled
the "not knowing" the difference

one extreme to the other
things either have to be black or white
no gray allowed...always yes or no....no maybe allowed
confuses me a lot...makes me feel unsettled
the "not being ok" with the middle ground

happiness and sadness....opposite ends of the spectrum
but are they really?
could they just be the same feeling happening at different times?
is that why people "cry tears of happiness and joy"?
confuses me a lot...makes me feel unsettled
the "undecidedness" of it all

been through a lot this year...great highs and great lows
the highs just don't seem to last long enough to suit me
not sure what to do to make them last or how to retain that feeling inside me
lows always seem to be of my own doing though
things i could have changed but didn't or don't or can't or won't
confuses me a lot...makes me feel unsettled
the end of one year and the start of a new year

expectations for the future....always expectations
the more you have the more apt to be disappointed
maybe new year's resolution should be to have less expectations in life
then disappointments in life will be less
maybe we are supposed to be disappointed at times in order to learn and grow
maybe that is the lesson
confuses me a lot....makes me feel unsettled