it's my life after all

so i carefully prayed to the full moon goddess this month
tried to be a bit more specific than the last time
not sure if she heard my prayers or not
but i did see a double rainbow the very next day
and a single rainbow the day after that
i'm hoping that's a positive sign
and not the full moon goddess laughing at me

"if wishes were horses this beggar would ride"
as i've heard sung by a favorite singer of mine
so maybe it's my turn to ride for a change...
i can hope for that anyway...

it's lonely walking solo all the time...
the world is made for couples
it's shoved in my face on a regular basis
like when my friends all do "date nite"
and alone i sit...without someone to "date"

but i don't think it's fair for me to mislead others
into thinking my feelings are deeper than surface
when that's all i feel...
so rather than continue to hurt them
i end things...rather quickly...
at least according to my friends
who don't completely understand why i don't just settle
especially if the other person treats me well...
but there are lots of other factors to consider..
least of which is how i feel about them...
and if they are talking forever...
i'm talking right now...
then things will never move forward...
mostly because i won't let them...
i'm holding out...
not settling just because others think i should
or just because the other person has my life planned out
because it's my life after all...
and i deserve to be happy...
and someday i hope to find that...
if not...guess i'll just grow old alone
because it's my life after all