the walls are closing in
around my heart again
protecting against the hurt
that always seems to come

to open myself up
to let myself feel
wanting that...
but the ache returns

and shuts me down again
makes me monitor my words
careful with what i say
fear takes over

happened too many times to count
maybe what i was told all those years ago is true
don't fall in love
or they'll go away

keep my feelings buried inside
don't wear them on my sleeve
go with the flow
no ties...no strings

no hurt...no pain...
no ache in my heart
keep my emotions at bay
and maybe my heart won't break again.

just out of reach....just out of focus...
head is cloudy...foggy....a mist...
searching the swamp of my mind
to find the right question...
maybe then i'll know what answer i'm missing.

questions

i question my life
my existence...my reasons
i try and understand but don't always succeed
looking for answers to questions unknown
is there something missing?
or am i missing me?
what am i seeking?
will i ever know?

is there a lesson here?

why the sad heart?
what does it mean?
is it a dream, a nightmare, an illusion?
is there a lesson here?

fantasy or reality?
imagined or real?
is there a purpose?
is there a lesson here?

to learn what i need
in order to go on
to survive or to live?
is there a lesson here?

words to describe me

sad
lonely
empty
words to describe me

happy
fun
full
words to describe me

i'm happy and sad
at the same time
i'm all and nothing
at the same time

the rumblings of discontent stir within me
how to quiet the noise in my head?
satisfaction is fleeting
words to describe me

desire

desire
yearning
wanting

lust
burning
needing

love
endless
timeless
lost

shared tears

where are they now?
the ones who cared?
the ones who listened?
who comforted?
who shared?
my hopes and dreams and desires

now they bitch
they tell me i'm wrong
i look to the distance
and they tell me i need to look right here

they think they know best
what's good for me
they discount my feelings
and they discount me

do they know my thoughts?
do they know my fears?
just because i once shared my tears?

calling your name

calling your name
no answer is there
silence i hear
words fall on emptiness

nothing to hold
arms stretch out
grasping at air
dark all around

lost and alone
sad and torn
what feels right is wrong
happiness is elusive

reality is false
all lies no truth
calling your name
you are not there