accepting

Accepting what fate has to offer
Accepting that which will never be
Accepting that it's the journey not the destination that is important
Accepting that the world doesn't revolve around me
Accepting that I'm a small part of the reality of others
Accepting me for who I am with all of my imperfections
Accepting that life just "is"

nothing there

Nothing there
Emptiness
devoid of emotion
Black hole
sinking
Drowning in a flood of solitude
Quicksand pulling me deeper
Grasping at air
Nothing there

inside my head

where do you go when there is no one left?
where do you go when you are alone?

inside my head
thoughts bouncing around
disconnected fleeting random

what do you do when you don't like the noise?
what do you do when you can't shut it down?

inside my head
the cacophony drones on
nothing to quiet the reverberations in my mind

confusion reigns supreme

self seeking continues
but still i'm lost
fearful of what i might learn

thoughts run wild
like stallions untamed
all directions at once

no cohesion ... no sense
random associations
everything tangential

confusion reigns supreme

but still i'm alone

dreaming of your touch
wishing you were here
but still i'm alone
and you remain nothing but a mirage

my mind conjures images
of my wants and desires
but still i'm alone
and you remain in my imagination

are you a part of me that is missing?
this endless searching that i do
but still i'm alone
and you remain a shadow in my mind

kaleidoscope

kaleidoscope of emotions....
jagged edged...distorted images
waiting for the prism to return
where everything flows smoothly together

will i ever find that spot?
will the emotions ever stop wounding my heart?
will the pain ease up?

wanting to flatline my emotions...
stop the hurt
stop the thoughts from taking over my brain
but the ramblings in my head just continue to ransack my heart

darkness

close the door
shut the light
in the darkness no one can see the tears
cuddling with myself
trying to stay calm
in the darkness the fears come to the surface
facing them alone
reminding myself to breathe
in the darkness i lay very still
waiting for daylight
waiting to open the door

nights

staring at the moon
wishing on a star
wondering if you noticed the same moon
or wished on the same star
for just a second i hope we connected
but then a cloud crossed the moon
and the star was covered from view
and i knew in my heart that the connection
was just wishful thinking on my part

lacking content

it feels as if i'm in a glass jar
not all the time, but more often than i'd like
almost there
but not quite
it feels as if i'm invisible
participating but not fully
maybe i'm just going thru the motions
acting as if everything is alright
hoping that maybe by acting "as if"
it will become reality
but i'm lacking content