noise

i write to get the feelings out
to get a handle on my emotions
to make the thoughts in my head be quiet for a little while at least
sometimes it helps...to stop the noise in my head
other times it just stirs up the thoughts even more
those times scare me....make me think the thoughts are too consuming
afraid they'll be all-consuming...eating me alive...making me nothing
more than a shell of the person i desire to be...

inside-outside

need to find a way to make the outside match the inside
maybe then the pain on the inside will be able to dissipate
i try to change the thoughts, the habits, the patterns
but to no avail
the pain on the inside just keeps growing
overshadowing the progress i appear to be making on the outside
yet still i keep struggling along
hoping....praying...that one of these days....
that what i feel inside and what i present on the outside will match

meaningless

pieces of me scattered about
easy to give of myself
much more difficult to give my heart

emptiness
empty sex
meaningless

to give my heart
means to open myself to someone
to risk, to chance, to care

easier to just give my body
it's for a moment...an instant in time
no hurt...no cares...no fears

just emptiness
just empty sex
just meaningless

empty tears

hurts too much to care
wounds are too deep
scars won't heal
sadness too much to bear

walls are high
guard is up
emotions in check
empty tears I cry

heart is broken
feels like it will never be whole